Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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