Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
