Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
sarcasm needs its own font
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
