At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
