there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
