You don't have asthma, your pregnant
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
