Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
