I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
