Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
