all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
