An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
