guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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