Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
