I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just high enough for therapy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Randomize
