Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
