Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Randomize
