You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
