but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
