Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize