update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Rumble strips road head = magical
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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