i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
