I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
