Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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