Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
