You really coming over, don't trick.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
