I'm going to jail i love you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
