yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
