ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
