If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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