Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
