tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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