So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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