hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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