u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
