drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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