She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Congratulations! We have a period
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
