Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
