The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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