The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
