Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
