Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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