why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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