i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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