All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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