my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
