I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
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