Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
