Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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