then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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