why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
