i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
