i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
