Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
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Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
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THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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