no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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