i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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