he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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