so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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