I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
