So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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