Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
