I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
