so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
