Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
