I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
