Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
