I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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